Staff Rants and Raves: Fruit

From durians to watermelon — here’s what our staff thinks about fruit.

Rants

On Eaten Fruits

Anna-Dmitry Muratova, Deputy Managing Editor

This is going to be an opinion as unpopular as my previous hot take on apples, however, this needs to be said (not really, though, I just want to say it). Fruits in their regular form, on a shelf at a supermarket, are fine. But fruits being eaten look as disgusting as a centipede about your bed on the wall. There’s just something about the way bite marks look on fruit that makes me gag a little.

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On Cantaloupe

Kim Rice, Deputy Copy Chief

This one is for my allergy sufferers: I love fruits, always have. I can probably eat a whole watermelon if given the chance (I have never been but I will do it one day). However, I am allergic to cantaloupe and I think that is absolute bullsh-t. Do you know how much water is in a cantaloupe? One cup of cantaloupe is composed of 90% water. That is more than half a cup of water. At this point, my body should just reject water also. Just get it over with. I mean if you think about, your body is made up of 60% water and the Earth, 75%. What is my body doing? What was the reason? *Cardi B voice* I don’t even think it should be a real allergy, to be honest. It’s not like I am allergic to pineapples which have a very active enzyme in them, or apples, or, I don’t know, some other real fruit. I’m allergic to a fruit with the second-highest water content (it is second only to the watermelon, surprise) for its weight. It’s also annoying because do you know how many fruit salads have cantaloupes in them? Every. Single One. I can’t get away from them and I am tired of the disrespect my body is putting me through.

On Watermelon

Helen Wajda, Deputy Opinion Editor

I love watermelon, but that love has been soured since I acquired the nickname “WaterHelen” after my friends realized that my name rhymes with “melon” in first grade. Am I impressed that first graders came up with a decently clever nickname? Yes. Am I slightly triggered every time I see watermelon now? Also yes.

Raves

On Guava

Lisa Cochran, News Editor

I am in a sweltering Cuban guesthouse. A lady sporting a bandana with hibiscus flowers on it places a tiny porcelain bowl before me. Soon, I will discover the most pleasant and beautiful surprise, a pink beauty that would envelop my heart for months: the guayaba, or guava. “This has to be a figment of my imagination,” I think, nervously, “How can something even remotely edible be so pink?” I’d never seen anything like it. The women at the guesthouse regale me with stories of the fruit’s high vitamin C content and antioxidants. It was this illustrious reputation that brought me closer to guava when I contracted a cold so aggressive it would’ve (probably) killed a chipmunk. I considered snorting guava, injecting it into my bloodstream and giving myself guaveins. It didn’t even come close to curing me, but that’s okay! I can forgive guava for that; she does enough. I have since returned from Cuba but the memory of guava on my tongue will always stay with me. The way it is not quite a strawberry and nearly a pear at the same time — who could ever forget such a combination? When I sit on the floor of the American consulate for hours, begging them to give me another Cuban tourist visa, it will be guava that pushes me to do it. If only we lived in a world where guava held political office, maybe then we would have even the slightest semblance of world peace. 

On Apples

Mandie Montes, Senior Under the Arch Editor

Last October, we had a rant about apples, I think? In any case, that was the day I professed how much I loved apples, after discovering that I was no longer allergic to them. That same day, one of our very own Deputy Managing Editors, Fin, professed their hatred for apples and I thought they would not want to be my friend. But guess what? Now we’re best friends and even joke that we’ll get married one day. So, I’ll say it again. I LOVE APPLES.

On Sweetness

Gabby Lozano, Deputy Opinion Editor

As a person who constantly craves sweetness, fruits represent the perfect medium that satisfies my sweet tooth, while being an excellent source of vitamins and other nutrients. Especially now that it’s spring, I’m excited to eat fruits in season like strawberries — which are my berry favorite.

On Durian

Alexandra Chan, Multimedia Editor

My parents told me that when I was younger, I loved durian. My maternal grandma would indulge me, buy half a durian, and we’d tear into it with our hands like feral goblins in a public park so the house wouldn’t smell. It might be an acquired taste or whatever, but I’m going to say it: durian is underrated. It’s a powerful fruit that claims its own space in taste, texture and smell. It’s like the bagpipes of fruit — not meant to be enjoyed indoors. If you’ve been eating apples and bananas all your life, you’re missing out.

Opinions expressed on the editorial pages are not necessarily those of WSN, and our publication of opinions is not an endorsement of them.

Email WSN Staff at [email protected]

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