Finding solace again
Two poems I should send you but never will.
February 22, 2022
![Illustration of pedestal sink and mirror. On the mirror are the words “I’m sorry,” which overlap with an outline of a human.](https://nyunews.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Adelaide_Miller_UTA_Poem-1-475x260.png)
i forgot your number and it shames me
grief chugging up my throat
whenever i think of you —
i still haven’t returned
your last call.
we spent twelve years
memorizing each other’s
handwriting but i can’t
even type out a few words.
i just don’t know
how to say it.
i tell everyone but
you that i’m sorry.
sorry to the bathroom mirror
i keep forgetting to clean and
sorry to every person
i bump into on the street.
sorry to those two summers
i never talked to you
and sorry to the months
in between when i never tried.
my parents always said
i was a people pleaser
i fear i’ve become
the opposite.
still i wonder if
you’ll ever forgive me.
i’m only writing you this
because you’ll never see it
(so help me god)
![An illustration of a person’s hand writing a letter with a pencil. At the bottom of the letter, in parentheses, are the words “I’m sorry.”](https://nyunews.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Adelaide_Miller_UTA_Poem-2-475x260.png)
on the days i know how to apologize
i return your texts.
i tell you about my day.
i send a photo of
the book that reminded
me of you and don’t
hesitate to suggest we
read it together.
i remember to
eat breakfast
and wash the
dishes after.
i go to class.
i even take notes.
i sit on the
couch and read.
i don’t listen to
music too loud.
i agree to call on
saturday. i don’t lie
about my week.
i write you a
letter and you
write me mine
and i smile seeing
your handwriting
hasn’t changed.
Contact Sunny Sequeira at [email protected].