It’s a new semester, which means new classes and new people you can meet. At every college, there are the cliche characters: the loveable class clown, the artsy loner or the brilliant bookworm. But at NYU, everyone has to be special, so our classroom stereotypes may be a little more specific, and maybe a little more insufferable. With some, you’ll bond over shared academic suffering, and others, you’ll try to dodge every recitation. Whether you love them or hate them, the students can make or break a class — so you might as well get familiar with them.
1. The Stern kid forced to take a humanities course
This is the guy you’ll find sitting in the back of your Cultures and Contexts class, looking at stocks on his laptop that’s covered in Supreme Stickers. Every time you talk to him, he feels the need to remind you that he’s a Business major — or Economics, but planning on transferring to Stern. He might look familiar to you, and that’s because you saw him on Tinder, where his profile specifies how he frequents the gym and isn’t looking for anything serious. Do not let him see you taking notes, because he’ll ask you for them after every class. He obviously couldn’t take any, as he was too busy playing 2048 and blasting Travis Scott in his AirPods. I would recommend staying away from him, especially on exam days, unless you want him looking over your shoulder. On the bright side, he may be able to find you a promoter, so it wouldn’t hurt to give him an Instagram follow.
2. The Tisch girl who loves to yap
This girl has pure intentions, but she’s super talented and will make sure everyone knows. When you try to talk to her, she’ll find any possible way to circle the conversation back to when she played Velma Kelly in her high school production of Chicago. You’re pretty sure she’s never asked you about your life. Most of what you know of her was learned unwillingly, because she does nothing but talk at you while you’re taking notes. She hums loudly during every lesson, as if to show off her voice in the 8 a.m. lecture. Though she can be too much at times, it probably wouldn’t hurt to befriend her. Maybe she’ll give you a costly wedding gift when she’s rich and famous. At her core, she is a sweetheart, and if you want to find out where to get the best cheap Broadway tickets, she’s your go-to girl.
3. The Gallatin student who cannot describe their major
When I first started at NYU, I never thought “What’s your major?” could be such a weighted question. This person seems super kind and creative, and they’re probably wearing eclectic vintage clothes and holding cute cat-themed stationary. When you sit next to them in your math lecture on the first day of class, you initiate some small talk. You instantly regret it. In explaining their major, they proceed to spend what feels like 30 minutes explaining their whole curriculum, which includes classes you didn’t even know existed. Maybe they’re majoring in the science of love with a concentration in knee surgeries, or puppetry and computer programming with a focus on Pinterest boards. Though you must endure an excruciatingly long conversation about their education, you can’t help but want to get to know them, and who can blame you? They’re pretty fun to be around, and likely cooler than you.
4. The film bro who will mansplain every movie ever
This guy willingly wears wired earbuds and torn clothes from the thrift store, even though his dad just happens to be a well-known movie producer and millionaire. When he walks into your Writing the Essay class, a cloud of cigarette smoke follows him. You’ll quickly realize that he refuses to say “movie” and instead uses the words “film,” “project” or “picture” just to prove how pretentious — I mean smart — he is. He posts all of his Letterboxd reviews on his Instagram story, giving “Oppenheimer” a much higher rating than “Barbie.” When you tell him you’ve never seen “The Godfather,” he’ll lose his mind and insist that you come over to his trust-fund-baby loft to watch it with him. It might be fun to discuss your latest movie screening with him, but use caution hanging with him outside of class, unless you are actively looking for a situationship.
5. The It girl
Every day she walks into class one minute before it starts with an $8 matcha in hand and an Aritzia sweatsuit. She takes perfect, clean notes on her iPad, and makes Quizlets with all the class material. You wish you could hate her because she’s too perfect, but when you go to the study group meeting she organized, you find out she’s the sweetest girl you’ve ever met. She’ll always invite you to her weekend Pilates class and give you romance book recommendations. When she eventually invites you to gossip over Spicy Vodka Pasta at Little Ruby’s Cafe, say yes, and watch the friendship unfold from there. Not only does her calm and collected aura make the class better, but it also makes her an amazing friend.
Disclaimer: If you’re feeling attacked by this article, perhaps consider some self-reflection. As Hannah Montana says, “Nobody’s Perfect.” Whichever classmates you have this year, make sure to be kind to everyone. You may have to tolerate some unbearable people, but just remember, it builds character. Ultimately, we’re all a little bit insufferable.
Contact Annie Emans at [email protected].
