Some movies should be sure-fire hits. With the right cast and crew working together in perfect harmony, it’s hard not to make a good movie. “The Alto Knights,” the latest addition to the mafia film canon, should be one of these movies. The film is based on a true story and boasts three star-studded celebrities: director of “Rain Man” in Barry Levinson, star of “Raging Bull” and “Taxi Driver” in Robert De Niro and screenwriter of “Goodfellas” in Nicholas Pileggi. 

Nevertheless, it falls flat on its face.

“The Alto Knights” follows the feud between rival crime bosses Frank Costello and Vito Genovese, both of whom are portrayed by De Niro. Though they grew up together, relations have soured to the point where Vito orders a hit on Frank. When Frank survives, he resolves to retire from the mafia, which proves more difficult than expected. This premise, the real-life crime bosses of the same name, is dragged out through two hours of sluggish, derivative and painstakingly bland filmmaking. Though the aforementioned all-star cast and crew may give you hope, don’t be fooled — Levinson, De Niro, Pileggi and nearly everyone else involved meet expectations, but don’t exceed them.

The most striking part of this film — which is saying something given how lifeless it feels — is the dual performances by De Niro. While it certainly makes the film unique, the decision to cast De Niro in two roles here feels more like a gimmick than anything, especially given how little effort is made to differentiate between them. Vito is Robert De Niro with tinted glasses, a fedora and a feisty attitude. Frank is just Robert De Niro. Beyond these slight differences, there’s no depth whatsoever for either character, making it impossible for audiences to grow attached. Neither Frank nor Vito embody anything close to the iconic gravitas of De Niro’s past roles such as Vito Corleone in “The Godfather Part II” or the steadfast cunning of Jimmy Conway in “Goodfellas.”

After the disastrous “Zero Day” and now “The Alto Knights,” it’s time for De Niro to stop playing it safe and make some purposeful choices. It seems audiences agree — “The Alto Knights” debuted with a meager opening weekend worldwide box office of $5.1 million on a budget of over $45 million. In the last years of his illustrious career, De Niro should spend more time on audacious works like “Killers of the Flower Moon” and less on low-effort cash grabs. It’s disappointing to see his talent wasted on characters like Frank and Vito, whose type he’s played many times over.

The film’s supporting cast is entirely unremarkable, though the fault here lies mostly with the weak script. Not only is dialogue stilted and overly expositional, but the overarching story is contrived, featuring wholly disconnected subplots. Frank’s wife Bobbie (Debra Messing) has quite literally nothing to do except chime in occasionally to console her husband. Watching her tragically underwritten character makes you long for complex and memorable mafia wives like Kay Adams in “The Godfather” films and Karen Hill in “Goodfellas.” On top of uninspired characters, “The Alto Knights” features one of the most excruciatingly lackluster third-act climaxes of all time, which includes endless minutes of characters simply driving up to an event in separate cars. That’s right — this film doesn’t even reward you for sitting through its two-hour runtime with a satisfying conclusion.

The editing of “The Alto Knights” also stands out as exceptionally poor. The film is interspersed with rapidly cut black-and-white photos of Italian American life in 1920s New York. In practice, this amounts to an assault on the senses. Random photos fade into actual flashback scenes of the characters’ younger selves, which is just plain confusing. To top it all off, the entire film is inconsistently narrated by an older Frank, who even speaks directly to the camera during sporadic flashforwards.

The sad truth is that there’s not much to say about this movie. With characters this forgettable, a plot this stale and editing this shoddy, it doesn’t even leave a bad taste in your mouth — it leaves no taste. If you make an effort to visit your local theater and spend two hours watching “The Alto Knights,” you’ll walk out feeling hollow. Any hunger you might have had for a return to the mafia films of old will be left unsatiated. Any memory of the film’s characters or storylines will surely have already left your mind. Believe me, writing this review has been a struggle. In the end, “The Alto Knights” is not uniquely awful or a spectacular failure. It’s bland and unmemorable. And isn’t that really the worst thing a movie can be?

Contact Leo Field at [email protected].