I have Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, Insomnia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder.

photos and words by Kodie Harris

I HAVE SHOWN SYMPTOMS SINCE I WAS 8 YEARS OLD.It took 12 years to diagnose and once I found a name to explain what I was feeling, it was hard to focus on anything else. My anxiety is all consuming and completely debilitating to my life. I try to handle it in the best way that I can, but it’s hard.
Focusing my art inward was something that I never thought I would do. I swore up and down that I would never take self-portraits, especially not nude self-portraits. Doing this project was both therapeutic and triggering. It felt nice to finally share what I’ve been burdened with for so long but it also caused me immense stress to share such an intimate look at what I experience on a day to day basis, and to make myself panic just by showing my symptoms of panic. I specifically put myself in situations that would make me uncomfortable (times square, the subway, etc.) in order to show my deep discomfort in situations that are completely normal to other people. This project isn’t complete and that’s because my disorder is ongoing. I continue to experience things despite my medication, therapy and all the countless other ways I am trying to cope. I believe that I will continue this project and allow myself to use creating work as my own form of therapy and understanding myself better.

 

 

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