HUMOR: NYU Student Wins Pulitzer Prize For Satire Piece

By David Scherker, Contributing Writer

NYU just made history with the youngest ever Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist.

Last year, journalism major Bartholomew Hilbert wrote a satire article in the school newspaper titled “Tisch Career Development Center Now Has Unemployment Simulation VR.”  It became an overnight sensation and was reprinted in The New York Times, resulting in an immediate Pulitzer Prize.

The board’s statement read: “Never in our long tenure of awarding Pulitzer Prizes have we ever seen such a unique original observation on a little thing we call the human condition. Suck it, Woodward and Bernstein.”

When asked how he came up with such a brilliant original idea for such a cutting satire of this caliber, Hilbert said, “I just woke up in a cold sweat one night and I knew I was going to write this piece. It is so rare to come up with such an innovative joke to craft such a groundbreaking piece of work.”

Tisch students reportedly burst out in laughter, having never heard a jab at their choice of major.  

“This article really enlightened me,” Photography major Susan Szechuan said in between her raucous guffaws. “It uses such subtle nuanced comedy in a fresh way to show me what a silly major I’ve chosen.”

Warner Brothers auctioned off the article in January and released a film adaptation starring Ryan Gosling as Hilbert. It remained at the top of the box office for 150 weeks straight and grossed nearly $4 billion on top of nabbing 14 Oscars, including Best Original Screenplay and Short Documentary.

The success of the movie has resulted in a cinematic universe, all based on stunningly original ideas from Hilbert. We can expect “Stern Students Are Stressed Snakes” in 2018, “Gallatin Student Has Weird Niche Concentration” in 2019 and “Tisch Students Are Unemployable 2: Electric Boogaloo” in 2020. Hilbert is set to win another four Pulitzer Prizes in 2018.

Email David Scherker at [email protected]