HUMOR: NYU Student Body Single-Handedly Shuts Down MoviePass

Ben Eisenberg
MoviePass executives need to find new jobs

NEW YORK, NY — The NYU student body has single-handedly brought down the popular movie-subscription company MoviePass just two-and-a-half months after lowering its monthly price to $9.99.

The subscription service that offers one free movie per theater per day is now completely unprofitable.

“We jumped the gun,” Dave Steinem, a MoviePass executive, said. “These NYU rich kids are putting us out of business and we expect to be obsolete sometime in the next 24 to 48 hours. This was a hell of a time to quit scotch.”

MoviePass reported selling its service at a 97 percent loss, while NYU students make up more than a whopping 100 percent of MoviePass’ client base.

“We didn’t expect this many students to sign up and we definitely didn’t expect them to go to the movies every single day,” Steinem said. “How many niche indie movies are there to watch? I just don’t get it.”

Payal Arora, a sophomore in Stern, said MoviePass is a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” and that she plans to milk the company for every penny it’s got before the inevitable demise.

Those interested can still sign up for MoviePass but must hurry before it’s gone sometime in the next couple of seconds.

Contact Ben Eisenberg at [email protected]

 

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