HUMOR: Right Side of History Shuts Down Two-Hour-Long Cookie Dough Line


Louis Rodriguez

Jesus Christ, Michael Jackson and Rosa Parks decided to brave the incredibly long line for over-hyped cookie dough.

Louis Rodriguez, Humor Editor

LAGUARDIA PLACE — Outside of the hot new cookie-dough shop DO, a trio made up of Jesus Christ, Rosa Parks and Michael Jackson materialized out of thin air to halt what they said was a violation of universal laws and basic propriety. Students and New Yorkers alike were unfazed.

“Anything longer than like 20 or 30 minutes is ridiculous, I don’t care how good they make it look on Facebook,” Christ said about the lines for the novelty shop whose business is basically built on customers not having to worry about contracting salmonella. Line-waiters were insistent on the dough’s therapeutic powers and reportedly upset at Christ’s lack of wine.

“There’s absolutely no way I can stand for this,” Mrs. Parks added.

Later, after given free samples, Mr. Jackson blurted out “I never really knew my father.” Jesus Christ admitted that he had not either. The two broke down over gluten-free fluffernutter and hugged it out.

After a brief apology and 45 minutes in line, the super-team all held onto Mr. Jackson’s crotch and vanished in a flash of light — off to stop vegan meats once and for all.

Eighteen tubs of missing cookie-dough were reported missing the next day.

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