Love, Sex and All the Rest: How Much Sex is Too Much Sex?

In such a competitive, power-hungry society, our lifestyles seem to be more inspired by expressions such as “the more, the better” than by any banal platitudes on balance that we pretend to believe during our 7 p.m. yoga class. From the variety of descriptive adjectives on your resume to the amount of likes you receive on that Instagram of your dog, we really do tend to believe that more is better. But how true does this principle prove to be? Could our man-bunned, 20-something yoga teacher really be right on this one?

Now, I’d be dishonest if I continued this article preaching balance on every spectrum of life. I’ll be the first to admit that wanting less and doing less is a hard feat as a student in New York City. However, I do wish to unpack the question of “how much is too much?” as it pertains to a specifically central part of our youthful lives: sex.

So how much sex is too much sex? While I wish the answer was quantitative and simple, it’s not. It really depends on you as an individual. While some people decide to reserve it for special occasions with the right person, others choose to go at it like rabbits at any opportunity they get. While both decisions are okay, it’s important to understand the reasons behind your choice. For those of you choosing to abstain from sexual activity, it’s good to check in with yourself to ensure the decision comes from you and not because of an ex-best friend who called you a whore for even thinking about doing it. And for those leading a very sexually active life, make sure you’re in control. It’s easy to fall into the traps of pleasure and begin to use sex to overcompensate for another sector of your life that may be lacking. Neither of these situations is necessarily healthy. Remember, sex is meant to be an enjoyable choice. If the thought of the act brings you fear or — in the contrary — stimulates obsession, then it’s a good idea to check in with yourself to understand why.

If you have any questions concerning your sexual life and-or sexuality, feel free to reach out to the NYU Sexpert at [email protected]

’Til next week,

X


How much sex is a healthy amount in relationships?

So you may think that if you have a significant other, you can have sex whenever you want. Right? Wrong. NYU students are incredibly busy and it can seem like you can’t even find the time to sleep, much less have sex. Between balancing each other’s schedules of internships, jobs, classes and extracurriculars in addition to finding a time when the roomie isn’t around, finding time to have sex can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. With all that said, many NYU students conclude that a healthy amount depends on the couple and is contingent upon proximity, source of intimacy and free time. NYU students also conclude that a healthy amount is as many times as manageable that still feels natural. While this may seem like a cop-out answer, it’s the truest. You can not pinpoint an exact number — although NYUers average about 2-3 times a week — because there are so many variables that comprise a healthy relationship and they are so unique to the persons in a relationship. “A good indicator of if you’re having a healthy amount of sex — or if it is too much or too little — is with some self-reflection. If your happiness with a person depends solely on being physically intimate, or if you dread being physically intimate, then you may need to reevaluate. The most important thing is that you and your S.O. are on the same page about all things involving your relationship, sexual or otherwise. If you’re not, SPEAK UP or forever hold your peace.

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