Love, Sex and All the Rest: Head and the Timing of Sex

Head. Blow Job. Cunnilingus. Third Base. Oral Sex. Whatever you want to call it, it’s mouth to genital action, a seemingly natural step before genital on genital action.

Many times, we give head in order to please the receiving party, or we feel the need to reciprocate if your partner’s gone down on you. This is all based on the premise that oral sex is only good when you’re on the receiving end. I’m here to tell you that that’s not necessarily true for all of us. That some of us actually like the act of giving head.


Head: Empowering or Demeaning?

Of course, it’s all context based. Oral sex should never feel forced and if your partner is forcing you down there, then you either need to communicate better with your partner or let this one go. However, if you’re in a situation where you and your partner feel comfortable enough to give it a try, then by all means go for it. And go for it positively! It’s not a burden. It’s a power move.

Think about it: In the act of giving someone head, your partner is trusting you with their most prized possession. You are in charge in a state where they’re most vulnerable. That being said, treat it respectfully. This should not be a way to make up for a lack of power in other areas of your relationship; this is simply a different way to think about a common sexual act so as to make both parties enjoy it. If taken seriously and enjoyed by both, it could actually bring you and your partner closer.

So next time the opportunity presents itself, give head with this mentality. And if it still doesn’t seem like your thing, then that’s okay too. This is merely a way to make all sexual acts the enjoyable experience that they should be.

’Til next week,


Relationships, for better or worse, are subject to burden and pressure of social constructions. Often times the parts of a woman’s body have been defined as bases that men have or have not yet conquered to help define the aforementioned stages of a relationship. First base, second base and all the way are the archaic but still heavily used phrases when discussing how far, physically, a couple has gone.

Moreover (regarding heteronormative relationships) a girl is a slut for giving it away right away or a prude for withholding. As someone who’s been in several relationships and someone who has both given it away quickly or withheld to keep a chase going, I hope I can lend opinions for both sides.

On sex on the first date

Sex is great and so are relationships. Great sex in a great relationship is even better. Society has told its citizens that to get a partner worth having, you need to keep it in your pants. But I’ve had sex on the first date and things have turned into a relationship. I’ve had one night stands and they’ve been left at one night stands, give or take a few awkward run-ins at the dining hall. The point is, if you are two consenting adults and you are both upfront about what you want from the experience, that’s what you’ll get — whether that is a relationship or a one night stand.

On keeping the chase going

I hate games but like many other people, I’ve played them. These games include fighting for the upper hand and withholding sex until you are ready. The fact of the matter is, relationships involving games rarely work. And if you are using sex as a pawn with the umbrella of not being ready, you’re probably not with the right person. You know pretty quickly if you are going to trust a person with your body. It’s an instinctual thing. So if you’re playing games, get out. Someone always ends up hurt.

On withholding for personal values

If you are waiting for marriage or simply haven’t found the right person to lose your virginity to, that is 100 percent okay. Sex can often be a big step in the relationship and if your values are to wait, then wait. Don’t be afraid to be honest with your partner about your intentions. Like I’ve said before: honesty, trust and communication are key in every relationship. So if your partner does not support your choice, he or she should not be your partner.

Whether it’s day one or day 100, how your partner acts in vulnerable moments such as having sex or the discussion of waiting to have sex, your partner’s true colors will show.

Love on lovers,


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