BROOKLYN, NY — Stepping out and swatting at the steam coming from their birthing pods, two naked gods took their first steps on Earth into a cold Brooklyn lab. Nearby, a swarm of lab coats pop bottles, call their families and hug each other all while fighting off all the bubbly and confetti. One man takes a knee.

“This is only the beginning,“ Nat Gold said.

Gold is the genius behind the imitation Sprouse twins and the youngest student to obtain a doctorate in nuclear embryology since James Franco, back in 2009. The Tandon School of Engineering’s cloning success is the first of its kind since Dolly Parton in the ‘80s.

“Cack and Zody have to relearn everything Sprouse,”  Gold said, handing the twins two Kids Choice Awards to teeth on. “We’re going to move backwards from ‘Suite Life on Deck’ and move all the way down to ‘Big Daddy’ if we have to.”

For their first three months Cack and Zody will revisit their filmography and live solely off Danimals Crush Cups. This is all in an effort to reproduce faithful versions of the original Sprouse twins to maximize retail potential.

“Trust us, once the word gets out, the demand will be there,” a Tandon executive, who wished to remain anonymous, said. “These bad boys are going to go for hella cash a pop. Every room in every dorm in every city is going to have one of these. My kids are getting two sets at least”

With plans to mass produce the Sprouse twins, buzz has reached the NYU campus where an underground pre-order form is available.

The Sprouse Twins hit the shelves December 2017.

To contact Louis Rodriguez e-mail [email protected]