In the midst of the debate concerning the proper way to use escalators, it is important to consider a third option besides actively walking or remaining stationary: defying them. Walking the reverse direction intended on escalators — the so-called wrong way — is actually superior in many ways to conventional forms of escalator use, as it lends both a practical and a metaphorical function to a device that is otherwise purely a mode of transportation.

While it may initially sound silly to walk the wrong way on escalators, it serves as a useful impromptu form of exercise. The United States remains one of the most obese countries in the world, with around 36 percent of the population grossly overweight. Walking the wrong way on escalators can provide a bite-sized and accessible form of cardio in the middle of the day, and it helps busy students work a quick stairmaster session into their schedules. The time this activity adds to a student’s commute is negligible, especially when compared to the health benefits from this approach. If we are all truly honest with ourselves, every member of the NYU community — even those who are ostensibly in good shape — could benefit from an endorphine boost.

In addition to the obvious health benefits of walking up the down escalators and vice versa, there is also a symbolic victory in subverting the intended purpose of these machines. This combats concerns over whether increased automated labor is slowly making the human race obsolete. Robots can write news articles, make art, drive cars or do the millions of other tasks previously reserved for humans, and the escalator is an ever-present reminder that mankind is quickly becoming the coddled patients of automation. It is a symbol of human obsolescence and carries us from floor to floor and subverts our autonomy by removing the need for us to walk on our own — a skill that is universally considered as one of the first hallmarks of individual independence. But by denying escalators the power to lend convenience and ease to our daily lives, we can subvert in a small way the grip that technology has on our lives, a grip that has been tightening inexorably for years.

Though there are voices among us who would throw up their hands and accept the mad congested dash that is our current system of escalator etiquette, we cannot allow ourselves to give in to our basic instincts. By walking the wrong way on escalators, students and faculty can embrace a more healthy, humanist approach to locomotion that benefits everyone.

Disclaimer: writer’s opinion is satire.

Opinions expressed on the editorial pages are not necessarily those of WSN, and our publication of opinions is not an endorsement of them.

A version of this article appeared in the Monday, April 10 print edition.

Email Henry Cohen at [email protected].