A rumor vigilante known as Gossip Squirrel and a few equally secretive associates recently began trawling Washington Square Park to capitalize on the private lives of NYU students. As secrets are uncovered, people are certainly listening: The Gossip Squirrel Facebook page has over 2,700 likes, and the equally mysterious NYU Secrets administrator is an admitted fan. WSN was fortunate enough to interview this elusive rumor rodent.

Q: What constitutes gossip for Gossip Squirrel?

A: Gossip is anything and everything controversial about NYU’s hottest, coolest, richest or most famous elite. NYU is a big school, and gossip among one clique doesn’t mean all that much to the next. Most people here are relatively anonymous outside of their immediate circle, and finding information relevant to the whole NYU community is one tough nut to crack. That’s where I turn to you, NYU. The more eyes I have in Greenwich Village, the better. To quote Oscar Wilde: “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”

Q: What gave you the idea to come out of the branches and share your findings with the NYU community?

A: They say sharing is caring, but we all know that the only thing that New Yorkers really care about is drama. The NYU community might be on a strict Starbucks-and-cigarettes diet, but if there’s one thing we’re always hungry for, it’s good gossip. Digging up scandals — and acorns — is a dirty job, but someone has to do it. That’s where I step in. After all, I have sources all over this city, and they’re not afraid of anything. Haven’t you been to Washington Square Park?

Q: Are you worried about gossip competitors, like gossip pigeons or gossip rats? What would you say to those who might attempt to steal your crown?

A: I’m not worried. If anyone tries to steal the throne, I’ll already know, and I’ll bring them down. Pigeons are just rats with wings, and by now I’ve definitely learned how to sniff out a rat.

Q: Gossip Squirrel seems to have a particular fascination with the Sprouse twins. Is it possible that she’s harboring a bit of a crush?

A: Let’s just say that last week Dylan Sprouse was spotted spending quality time with the squirrels in Washington Square Park while trying to feed me his dry Kimmel Market Place sandwich. Doesn’t he know that I only like what’s juicy?

Q: What are some of the craziest secrets that Gossip Squirrel has received?

A: Don’t worry, NYU. I’m not hiding much from you. While I refrain from cyberbullying and spreading legally harmful rumors, if I hear something that’s juicy enough, I will find a way to write a post about it.

Q: Will you ever reveal your identity?

A: Of course not. That’s one secret I’ll never tell. But I will give you some insider information: I’m not alone.

Q: Where do you see yourself in six months?

A: As long as the jerseys are cute, in six months I’ll be MVP of the NYU football team.

A version of this article appeared in the Monday, April 29 print edition. Helen Holmes is a deputy features editor. Email her at [email protected].