Nobody wants to get broken up with. It can be easy to look back, sugarcoat the ending and claim it was mutual, but at the end of the day, all you can do is push forward with enough support to ensure a smooth landing. Educated from countless hours of relationship advice-giving and field experience to boot, the five stages of heartbreak outline a step-by-step guide on navigating the aftermath of a break up.

1. Acceptance

What’s done is done — hanging on to nothing is one of the first pitfalls that can get in the way of healing. The sooner you get comfortable with the idea that things are over, the sooner the process of moving on can begin. Seeking advice from a friend is often the quickest way to snap back to reality, as they’re often the most willing to ground delusions with cold hard truth.

2. Distraction 

While at first this step may appear counterproductive, everyone needs some time to process. Attempting to get over a heartbreak all at once can be dangerous, not only due to the high risk of relapsing on your ex, but for the potentially harmful indulgences that acting on emotion can encourage. Intermountain Health warns against the increased smoking, excessive drinking and fatty diets that frequently befall those recovering from heartbreak, instead encouraging one to occupy their time with more health-motivated resolutions like exercise or spending more time outside. 

3. Reflection

As nice as distraction can be, for growth to truly occur, there comes a time to face the situation head on. The hardest part of this step comes in being vulnerable about your emotions to get to some of the root issues that plagued the previous relationship. Only through identifying what went wrong can you prevent future instances of dealing with the same problem. Even if you don’t come to a concrete answer, walking away from this step with a healthy mindset on its own can be viewed as a success.

4. Internalization

It’s one thing to look back and admit where you were wrong, but it’s another to actually make worthwhile changes. Relationships take two people, and while it can be easy to villainize your ex, a failed relationship often reflects failures on your end as well. It’s important to truly incorporate the takeaways from your reflections. Adjusting lifestyle choices can be a great way to turn some of those healthy distractions from earlier into productive parts of your daily routine, solidifying this new chapter of life.

5. Action

Armed with a healthy understanding of your previous relationship, it’s time to get back out there and put it all to the test. Remain conscious of any red flags from your previous relationship that may indicate similar undesirable behavior, and listen to your gut when it warns against a particular situation. This works in the opposite direction as well; keep an eye out for any green flags, and don’t be afraid to go off vibes. After all, the worst thing a heartbreak can do is keep you from loving.