I had many reasons to stay in New York City for college. Even though the freedom I would gain from moving far away was enticing, I couldn’t imagine living so far away from my family or from my city.

My sister — who is two years older than me — went to Rhode Island for college, and the three-hour drive was too much for her to handle as a first-year. She couldn’t visit home as often as she hoped to because of the distance, and the house felt empty without my sister around. I saw how much it affected my mother when my sister wasn’t home. So when I applied to colleges, the furthest one I considered was only a one-hour drive from home. However, I knew I didn’t want to commute, even when I got accepted to NYU. 

I grew up in Queens with strict Colombian parents. This meant that even when I was in high school, I still felt like I needed to ask for permission to walk to the 7-Eleven down the block. I couldn’t stay out too late when with friends, and I always had to prepare a speech to justify going out. At 20 years old, I still have to maintain some of these habits when I’m at home to an extent, but going to college and living on campus provided me with a small loophole. 

College forced me to make decisions — like what classes to take and what to major in — and to figure everything else out — like financial aid and networking — by myself.  I wasn’t used to that type of responsibility, and because I have immigrant parents, I mostly had to work through everything on my own. However, the dorming experience and studying away gave me more independence as a person, which was a freedom that I didn’t have — and still don’t have — when I’m living at home. 

Dorming opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me. I didn’t get as many texts asking where I was, what I was doing or who I was with. No one was around to tell me “no” if I wanted to leave my dorm at night, hang out at a friend’s apartment until 2 a.m., or go to the Times Square Krispy Kreme at ungodly hours. If I wanted to spend the night with my significant other, I could. I still wouldn’t dare ask to do that when I’m home. But at school, I can mostly do what I want without asking for permission. 

Living on my own also forced me to become self-sufficient. During my first semester on campus, I struggled to find time to eat, manage school and maintain a social life. I was home every weekend because I missed my family and wasn’t comfortable living on my own yet. By my sophomore and junior year, I had solidified a routine, managed several jobs and commitments along with school, and set time to clean my room, get food, hang out with friends and take care of myself. I visited home a little less, which was about every other weekend. By my senior year — especially after a semester abroad — I’ve figured out how I can be the most productive and what it’s like to live alone. 

When I’m at school, my days are more structured, I’m more productive and motivated, and I have fewer distractions. At home, it’s almost impossible to get any work done. It’s harder to concentrate when my sister and her boyfriend are playing Super Smash Bros. on the living room TV, or when the second I decide I want to do homework, it’s time to all have lunch together. If I lock myself in my room to do homework, it’s like I’m not even home. I go home to see my family, so of course, I’ll spend the entire day playing parqués, a Colombian board game, instead of working on an essay and presentation I have due. 

I have to separate these two worlds to keep my independence, especially with my strict parents. At school, I have my freedom. While I’m home, I recognize that I’m living under their rules. I assert my independence in little ways, pushing that I need to go back to school if I need to get work done but, I ultimately accept that I have a different life when I’m at home.

While living away from home helped me become independent, balancing school, family and a sense of freedom can be a little harder for commuter students.

“At NYU, I have developed independence by focusing on my needs and desires,” CAS senior Melanie Reyes said. “I am doing what is best for me and what makes me happy, like being able to study in Argentina and making plans even if it means staying out late.”

However, with strict Ecuadorian parents, Reyes has had to learn how to assert her independence, especially since she still lives with them in the Bronx.

“I am very close to my family,” Reyes said. “It can be hard having somewhat strict parents and protective brothers. I push boundaries and have calm logical conversations with my parents. I mainly got my parents to see me as wiser and capable, and convince them that I am now an adult — they can trust me to take care of myself and that I’ll be smart.”

LS first-year and Brooklyn native Yasmin Minos struggles a little more with finding independence from her strict Haitian parents, especially since she has just started college.

“I’m really attached to [my parents], so I can’t imagine being away from them, which is why I’m still commuting,” Minos said. “Later on, I’ll probably dorm, but that’s going to be really hard to adjust to because I’ve lived with my parents all my life. They’re the people I spend the most time with because they’re really strict. Even when I did have friends in middle school, and I was going out places, they didn’t really — my mom specifically — didn’t adjust to that very well.” 

For Minos, independence has a lot to do with time management and going to school in the city. 

“I have to get [to campus] myself and organize my time better,” Minos said. “And a lot of my time is spent apart [from my parents] because I have gaps in my schedule, and I can’t really go home, so I’m here, so it’s like my own sense of independence … I don’t have them watching over me when I’m here, so it’s like oh I can do these things.”

But beyond independence, and despite living at home, making time for family can be complicated.

“Managing family time and my life as a student has been kinda difficult for me,” Minos said. “I spend most of my time with my family on weekends, but there are times that I really need to just focus on doing assignments, so I just do those later at night.”

For me, I manage to be present for my family even though I live at school. But much like Reyes, it’s sometimes difficult to make time for them without having to sacrifice anything else. 

“I work with my brother and sister so I see the two of them constantly, but I rarely get to see my parents,” Reyes said. “In order to spend time with my parents, I may actually sacrifice sleep or some of my school work.”

I have to write my family into my busy schedule or plan ahead for when I’m coming home so that I don’t fall behind on assignments. During the week, I try to FaceTime them at least every other day. But because I’m close to home, I can make plans with my sister to hang out in the city, and invite my mother out for brunch or visit museums whenever I’m free. My parents also come into Manhattan for work, so sometimes they bring me home-cooked meals or anything I accidentally left at home.

Looking back on my college experience, I’m appreciative of how it has turned out. I have been able to go home and get support from my family when I needed it the most, but at the same time, I became my own person and achieved a sense of freedom just by living on campus.