Still looking for a Halloween costume? Skip the cutesy get-ups this year and consider taking the scary route instead. While you could always add fake blood to your standard cheerleader, doctor or pirate ensembles, allow us to suggest some ideas that will make for a truly terrifying look — because, as the great Dumbledore said, there are some things scarier than Ebola.

Rat Infestation

Perfect for groups. Teach your friends a lesson about leaving food out in a ground-floor apartment by swarming their party in a group of four or more of your closest pack members donning grey clothes, rat noses, whiskers and evil beady little eyes. Hide in corners nibbling on Halloween candy and run straight for people’s feet when they come near you.

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Hitting up any dorm parties on your Halloween rounds this year? Attend as your friendly neighborhood resident life staff. Knock on the door authoritatively and carry an oversized tote — your duty bag — complete with a building roster and tracfone. Ask for people’s IDs and make sure to use the phrase, “Hey guys, I don’t want to be the bad guy here…” before threatening your friends’ debauchery.

Yourself in Middle School

Not for the faint of heart. This one will differ based on the shade of your dark past, so dig through to your oldest Facebook pictures for inspiration. Return to whatever horrors you may have worn at age 13, whether that means your favorite Cute Is What We Aim For merchandise and checkerboard Vans from Hot Topic, or a pink sweats-on-sweats Hollister tuxedo.

Couples Costume (For Singles)

What’s peanut butter without jelly? Sandy without Danny? Mario without Luigi? It’s you, loser. Dress up as one half of a couple’s costume without a partner to pair with. Whether it’s friends or a significant other you’re lacking, take this opportunity to remind everyone just how alone you really are.

Graduation

Grab a violet cap and gown because, let’s be honest, there is nothing more terrifying than having to plan for post-grad life. For accessories, bring a thick stack of résumés listing your volunteer experience and questionable choice of a major. Don’t forget the promissory notes showing the deep debt you now have.

This story is part of our fictitious coverage in celebration of Halloween 2014. All people and events in the story are fictional.