Off-Third is WSN’s satire column.

On Tuesday, March 5, after failing to claim purple for itself in a lawsuit against another hospital, NYU announced it would drop its trademark violet for magenta. Realizing that it could never escape the clutches of Northwell Health — the hospital NYU claimed deceived patients by using the university’s purple in advertisements — NYU has decided to distinguish itself using the superior magenta shade.

“We will not stand for lowly hospitals trying to masquerade as NYU Langone,” university president Linda Mills wrote in an email to the NYU community. “If Northwell Health isn’t willing to change, then we’ll just have to do something about this ourselves. You know, for the patients.”

A university spokesperson told WSN that magenta was chosen by a focus group of students and faculty to best capture NYU’s “clearly superior health care system.”

“Picking a color that wasn’t a variety of purple would be preposterous,” the spokesperson said. “And magenta is like a purpley-red. Purple to represent our NYU roots. Red for anger toward wannabe hospitals.”

Many students said they were sad to see the violet shade go, and some questioned how the change might affect NYU’s beloved mascot.

“So are the sports teams the Magentas now?” one CAS sophomore said. “Why was our mascot ever a color anyway?”

Since time is of the essence — there are concerns that more patients could be swindled by Northwell Health’s deceit — all NYU branding will be spray-painted magenta as soon as possible. Campus Safety officers will be deployed to re-color flags in an effort to save NYU’s brand and the health care industry.

“That’s why Campus Safety officers were on ladders?” A Steinhardt first-year said. “I just saw one outside of a fifth-floor window during my recitation. Now I know why it smelled like fumes inside the classroom.”

A member of NYU’s Student Government Assembly expressed relief about the timing of the announcement, and concerns about rebranding the university’s spirit week.

“Well, we just had that whole Violet 100 spirit week. I’m glad that finished right before this all happened,” the student said. “Rebranding everything is going to be a nightmare financially. Also Magenta 100 sounds dumb.”

Other more permanent decisions were announced, including alterations to Bobst Library. While the library was renovated fairly recently, NYU’s construction team is already working on updates to reflect the university’s new magenta image. NYU will turn Bobst’s exterior from red to magenta, ensuring that “the whole city, especially those amateurs at Northwell” can see the change in branding from miles away. 

“It already sticks out like a sore thumb, but this is just absurd,” one Gallatin senior said. “Thank God I’m graduating.”

The university is hopeful that students will embrace the new school color, and feel as closely tied to it as they did to violet.

“Is it now ‘Magenta pride?’” a CAS first-year said. “I guess I’m a Magenta now. We’re all Magentas.”

WSN’s Opinion section strives to publish ideas worth discussing. The views presented in the Opinion section are solely the views of the writer.

Contact Emily Genova at [email protected].