Two weeks ago, on Nov. 9, I ventured down to West Houston Street to attend my first ever burlesque show, “Say Please — A Burlesque and Kink Experience.” I was, and still am, new to these shows and the experience they bring — this event wasn’t just a powerful burlesque performance, but a BDSM “tasting menu.” 

As guests found their seats and got their drinks, a female dominatrix tied a performer to a railing on a raised platform. She wound the rope slowly around each limb, tying knots to ensure her partner wasn’t at risk of falling over. 

The location of the event was Madame X, a bar with red lights, an intimate second floor and the claim of being the sexiest bar in New York City. Leading the production was the duo Madame Brassiere and Rita N. Wink of Wink and A Smile Productions. Madame and Rita, who identify as fat queer women, endeavor to make shows not just for everybody, but “everyBODY.” Their shows are an experience for people to watch, learn and walk away with new acquaintances and perhaps a fresh idea about themselves. It is a unique and independent type of art, unlike other burlesque shows that lack kink and an emphasis on community. The community, the people, are the inspiration — the concept of this show specifically was created to celebrate the birthday of a fellow dominatrix.

“The thing that we move forward with in everything that we do is that burlesque is for every BODY, no matter where you come from, no matter what you look like, no matter what you’re into — we want to find a space for you,” Madame said. “Everybody deserves to feel…sexy.”

As a queer person myself, one who has researched topics such as BDSM to further understand the scope of sexuality, I was curious about the performances and environment the show would offer. The event kicked off after one lucky audience member gave Madame her drink of the night — and then cleaned up some spillage by licking it off of Madame’s chest.

Madame was firm in her control of the show, the audience and Rita, while Rita herself aided in exchanging bills for singles, talking to everyone, and ensuring that there was never a moment without some skin on display. Madame encouraged audience interaction, whether that be cheering, throwing bills, consensual over-the-clothes touching or — and I will confess I could not bring myself to participate in this last one — collective moaning.

“It’s just random people making sex noises,” Madame joked. “[That’s] the whole show, surprise motherfucker.” 

Then, the performances really began. There were quite a few acts, each different from the one before it: the legendary religious-themed performance of burlesque veteran Tigger!, the pink dress dance of Witch Tulips, the erotic poetry of Nora Oz, the sultry Audrey Love donning leather, and the energetic Mercy Masala getting half naked. Descriptions of the acts wouldn’t do the performers justice. All the performances ended with less clothing on than before and much cheering.

During intermissions, I observed a few dozen people participate in small introductions to particular kink acts like shibari, sensation play, and flogging or spanking. The various audience members trying shibari got to keep the ropes tied tightly around their torso by the dominatrix — not a bad deal for $20.

“Say Please” was not a straightforward demonstration, but rather a production — and it’s not Wink and A Smile’s first, either. Three years earlier, before the pandemic, they had done similar shows. Both women are graduates from the New York School of Burlesque with backgrounds in theater. Others on the team have technical experience, making this a production rather than a static demonstration. The environment itself was also quite familiar and comfortable. There were many people who seemed to know each other, greeting one another and hugging as friends do — these overlapping burlesque and BDSM communities showed up to support each other.

As for myself, I stayed in my seat almost the entire time. I can chalk up most of my hesitation to interact as introversion, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. But even then, I was more comfortable than I’d been in some spaces previously. Watching people talk casually when dressed solely in lingerie was a new experience for me — and I couldn’t understand why I felt the slight urge to retreat until the show was winding down.

It was an environment without shame, I realized. And rightfully so.

I am not a person who feels shame about my sexuality or its expressions. At least, not anymore. I grew up in a big southern city, and my sexual education consisted mainly of “get tested and wear a condom or don’t have sex at all.” We learned about sexual organs and reproduction — at age 11, even — but anything around self-pleasure, using toys, checking for consent, being queer or disabled… not so much.

I believe in open communication about sex, in answering reasonable questions and in exploration. I was the type who overused the internet for this content because there was such a strong stigma around sexual acts and around identity.  While the internet is amazing for searching “Do I like X or Y?” or “What is Z?,” there reaches a point when people need to go out and have experiences. Rather than a bar or club, there are events and spaces where people are all about being safe in their sexiness — just look before you leap to one. 

“If you want it, it exists, especially in New York,” Rita said. 

There are also shows and spaces that are 18+ instead of 21+, though they take a little more digging to find.

“There are workshops and classes [and online resources] available to those over 18,” Lady Harper, a professional dominatrix I spoke with, said. “Those don’t happen in bars with alcohol. That’s generally the entry point.”

Harper and I spoke about why she entered the scene, learning about burlesque and kink and why she became a pro dom.

“[I’ve been a] professional dominatrix just over one year, but I’ve been lifestyle kinky for…six or seven?” she said. “When I discovered there was community around kink and BDSM and consent, and workshops and classes and events for people to learn about kink and how to interact with each other in erotic ways but how to communicate about it, I got really interested in that. Then I wanted to become a provider of that experience, of that service.”

In the end, Harper emphasized coming to potential workshops and shows from a safe place and, as with every performer I spoke to at the event, reiterated that safety, inclusivity and consent are not optional.

Sex can be a stigmatized, polarizing topic. There’s what you feel about yourself, what you can do with yourself and your sensuality. Then there’s a whole other world of sharing that experience with another person. Sex is sensitive and amazing, but society often makes it out to be inherently dirty or taboo. I felt safe and was not coerced to see anything, and everyone I saw being touched had consented to experiencing those physical pleasures.

To leave some to the imagination — even if you’ve got an active one, I don’t think you can quite picture what the Madame and Rita may want to show you. Wink and A Smile’s next show is their Dec. 1 Sip, STRIP, and Sketch event at the Brooklyn Art Cave. Tickets are $25 and include a drink to sip while you sketch and watch, making this event 21+ only. 

Editor’s Note: Some performers’ faces have been blurred to protect their identities.

Contact Shay Jones at [email protected].