The international student with branded everything

This guy’s wardrobe costs more than your incoming student loan debt, and you can’t even be mad about it, because he dresses like a dripped-out Roblox avatar. Most days, you can find him lounging around his Tribeca penthouse — which he definitely owns — or in line for an underground designer clothing launch in SoHo. Once classes start, he’ll spend his Stern business lectures dropping bands on vintage streetwear or looking for his next property on StreetEasy. If y’all get along, expect to be invited to a “casual” dinner at Carbone or one of his many weekend visits to the Hamptons.

The permanent tourist

Hailing from anywhere but the East Coast, all this girl ever wanted was to live in Manhattan. Whether she dreamed of eating lunch on the steps of The Metropolitan Museum of Art like the cast of “Gossip Girl” or hailing a cab in vintage Manolo Blahniks like Carrie Bradshaw, her perception of the Big Apple is shaped by 2000s TV shows and romanticized TikToks. Although she’ll often drag you to overpriced tourist activities, her enthusiasm about the city that never sleeps is admirable. Of course, her “Empire State of Mind” may be crushed at the first sight of a rat cradling a Geek Bar on the subway.

The campus celebrity

Although you’ve never met this person before, you feel like you already know her. That’s probably because she’s already following you on Instagram and is the main contributor to the NYU 2029 Snapchat story. She radiates intense former class president vibes, and definitely ran her senior prom like the Navy. Although her hunger to meet every member of the student body may seem disingenuous, the girl truly just wants everybody to feel included. Even if you two don’t become besties, she’ll likely connect you to some future friends and always invite you to her pregames.

The guy who wanted to go to Columbia University

This man will constantly remind you that NYU was, in fact, not his first choice. Everyone who attended his feeder high school is at an Ivy League, and he, much like Blair Waldorf, is stuck at this lowly purple school. He spends his time complaining about how NYU doesn’t have a real campus and regretting that he didn’t take more challenging classes in high school because, who knows, maybe a 5 on the AP Biology Exam would’ve won over the hearts of Columbia admissions. He loves to spend time in enemy territory, attending every function in the Upper West Side and cosplaying as a student in Butler Library. If you befriend him, don’t get too attached. Once that transfer portal opens, he’ll be packing his bags and applying to every Ivy, even Cornell University — that’s how you know he’s really desperate. 

The club rat

Before even committing to NYU, this girl secured five different fake IDs — and yes, they all scan. She’s probably ditching NYU Welcome events like Bob Ross Paint Night for a night out at Paul’s Casablanca or Wiggle Room. While her peers are spending $50 on Tier 3 tickets to Posh VIP events, she’s already securing a table at The Box. But don’t be intimidated — if there’s one thing I know about party girls, it’s that they can get down with anybody. If you need a promoter, bottom-shelf vodka or recommendations for places to buy going-out tops, she’s your go-to girl.