On Getting Scammed
By Melanie Pineda, Editor-At-Large
I remember exactly where I was when I learned my iPhone 6 was due for an upgrade. It was a warm Monday in August. The semester hadn’t begun yet, so I was still in the comfort of my own home with my dog by my side. Life was good. Then I was abruptly told by my mother that all of our phones had to be updated since we were on the same plan, and she wanted the new iPhone 7. It was in this moment that I realized I was going to have a headphone jack-less device for the rest of my life. I will never forgive Apple for forcing me to buy an unnecessary convertor so as to avoid buying $300 pretentious airpods just to blast Lemonade by Beyoncé on my way to class. Apple is a scam.
On Baseless Hatred
By Anna-Dmitry Muratova, Senior Reporter
Time for a Confessions Circle moment. I hate apples. No, not Apple. Apples. Hate doesn’t cut it, actually. It’s a strange phobia and I’m not using this word lightly! The assumption my parents put forward — it’s somewhat genetic, as my 35-year-old sister used to be like that back when she was 19. The kicker, though: I’ve never, not once, had an apple. Can’t touch them, can’t eat them, can’t be in the room with people eating them (less now than when I was younger). When I was a kid, I’d make my dad wash his hands and brush his teeth if he ate an apple before tucking me into bed. True story. He still reminds me of how much of a little sh-t I was. So, well, if you hate me, just give me an apple — it’s sufficient revenge.
On the Fact That You Can Buy a Single AirPod
By Kate Lowe, Deputy Managing Editor
A friend of mine recently lost one of her AirPods and bought a single one as a replacement. It cost like $70 and came in its own box. The box had a groove cut out to fit a single AirPod. Maybe that isn’t particularly egregious to you, but the possibility of such an object existing had never even occurred to me before the moment I saw it. Watching this saga unfold on her Instagram story, all I could think was that the coercive power of the Apple empire has clearly grown too large. If you’re reading this, please don’t buy a single AirPod.
On Big Dreams
By Ishaan Parmar, Deputy News Editor
I come from a small town in Silicon Valley called Los Altos. One of the few claims to fame of Los Altos is that Steve Jobs spent most of his young life there. From boba-drinking, AirPod-wearing bros to wannabe influencers taking Instagram photos on their iPhones, to middle-aged tech employees talking about how they remember when the first Macintosh came out, Apple reigns supreme in the Bay Area. When I was in elementary school, going to the Apple Store was a treat. Whenever my family was in downtown Palo Alto (the town in which Jobs lived as an adult), I begged my parents to take me to the Apple Store on University Avenue so I could play computer games on the iMacs there. We had an iMac at home: an old, white plastic thing with a thick keyboard, but they always had new games at the store. I also wanted to sneak a peek at all the iPhones and iPads my parents said I wasn’t old enough to have. Whenever Jobs took the stage in his black turtleneck to announce a new product at an event, I tuned in. I was obsessed. It felt like at Apple, Jobs was inventing the future. After Jobs’ death (which was a very big deal in Silicon Valley), I read his biography. I wanted to be like him — a genius, an inventor. But eventually I realized I didn’t like science or coding too much, so I started making movies. NYU has all of mine and my family’s money, so I probably will not buy any new Apple products unless my current ones break. Tim Cook is not as charismatic as Jobs was, and the new technology Apple introduces into the world does not seem as earth-shattering as it once did. However, I can’t help but get a little nostalgic for this billion-dollar company that started in a garage in my hometown.
By Mandie Montes, Deputy Copy Chief
When I was young, I developed an allergy to apples, which sucked because I loved eating caramel apples. It truly ruined my childhood. But a couple of years ago, I went to the doctor’s office and tested my allergy again only to find out that I was no longer allergic to apples. So now I can enjoy eating limitless amounts of caramel apples, and my life is no longer ruined!
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