As we draw closer to winter break, the holiday season reminds us to appreciate the important things in life: family, friends and most importantly, dumb stories that make up your school’s history. That’s right. Gather ’round, kids, as we rank some of the craziest NYU lore.
These rankings are based on four categories: absurdity, star quality, the Queen test and “NYUnique.” While absurdity speaks for itself, star quality is based on how much public attention the event received — does it have what it takes to be a star? The Queen test refers not to Queen Elizabeth II, but to the band whose music has stood the test of time. How timeless is this event? Our final category is “NYUnique” — how unique is this event to NYU’s culture? Could this happen anywhere else?
With that, let the games begin.
4. Watermelon chicken salad
At the beginning of the 2020-21 academic year, NYU had communication troubles with one of its dining vendors, Chartwells. While the specific issue is unknown, it eventually became obvious that neither party was prepared for the pandemic. Students quarantining in residence halls were offered three complimentary meals per day, courtesy of NYU. Although a noble idea, it came with flawed execution. For one meal, students were given a bag of chips, a single apple, butter and vinaigrette. In other meals, watermelon chicken salad was offered and it was exactly what it sounded like: watermelon and chicken with cucumber, feta cheese and vinaigrette. Gross.
The level of absurdity in this lore takes the cake, considering the bizarre flavor combinations and terrible standards on NYU’s part of what constitutes a meal. I would argue that this event is averagely “NYUnique” — although the mistake could have happened elsewhere, students were compensated with food delivery gift cards. The Queen test is hard to measure since it happened just a few years ago, but the event has major star quality with its TikTok virality and coverage on The New York Times and CNN.
3. Violet v. Violet
I think I speak for everyone when I say we all have intrusive thoughts of stealing our roommate’s things. But last year, a first-year — who realized her free will — stole and resold over $50,000 of her roommate’s clothes and accessories on the online resale market, The RealReal. The roommate, who realized her possessions were stolen, confronted her thieving roommate and proceeded to sue her and her mother — an accomplice in the scheme. The robbing roommate was charged with grand larceny. What’s ironic is that she was pursuing a degree in criminology and politics — another important reason to attend your lectures, otherwise you’ll end up committing a felony.
Of course, this event is obscene. As I said before, most people don’t listen to their intrusive thoughts. Its star quality is very high — people sent me this article immediately upon enrolling at NYU telling me to “be careful,” as if my life is even worth $50,000. I’m unsure if this passes the Queen test as it only happened a few months ago, but it scores high on the “NYUnique” scale. I cannot think of another school where a student would keep $50,000 worth of luxuries in a dorm.
2. Tisch dean dancing to R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion”
Imagine you are an NYU student in March 2020: the COVID-19 pandemic just began and you’ve been told to leave your dorm within two weeks. And then, you receive an email with a video attached. It’s from NYU Tisch dean Allyson Green! Does it explain the university’s financial plans for students during the pandemic? Spoiler: No. As much as I love seeing middle-aged white women dance to their funky rock music, doing so in this particular email was not groovy. Students thought this was tone-deaf to their real concerns about the pandemic and finances. In Green’s defense, her dance moves were spectacular. Her combination of jumps, swaying, smiling and creepy waving was simply mesmerizing. After all, this dancing queen is stepping down to be a professor in the dance department next year.
This event has immense star quality, with news coverage from CBS, NBC and Business Insider. NYU’s reputation as an expensive artsy school makes Green’s response the definition of “NYUnique” — where else would a dean dance in an email to students? While the absurdity of this event ranks very high on this list, it scores OK on the Queen test, because it’s not talked about as much as it should be, given it only happened four years ago. Regardless, this dancing icon gets the ranking she deserves.
1. The boy who lived in Bobst
Ah yes. The famous Bobst Boy, Steve Stanzak, received attention over the years after living in Bobst Library for nearly eight months. It began in September of 2003 in his sophomore year after Stanzak did not register for housing — he worked as a live-in housekeeper and wanted to continue his job during the school year. After quitting his job with nowhere to live and not wanting to impose on his friends and live in their dorm, Stanzak had the idea of living in the lower levels of Bobst. How Stanzak managed to live in Bobst for almost an entire academic year I will never know — I can’t even handle more than three hours — but this legend deserves first place for accomplishing such a feat.
The absurdity of even imagining a student living at Bobst for a time other than finals or midterms outranks the rest of the items. The New York Times and NBC articles covering this man’s endeavor, not to mention his popular blog Homeless at NYU, launches him to the top of the list with star quality. The NYU-ness trumps all as well — of course, Stanzak couldn’t afford housing costs with four jobs and a scholarship and wasn’t given administrative assistance until a month before the semester ended. And, like us all, Bobst Boy still loved NYU despite the financial burden. The question is, does Bobst Boy pass the Queen test? Well… We’re still talking about him more than 20 years later, so it’s safe to say his story is a timeless classic.
Contact Sreya Nair at [email protected].