As a queer person, coming out as transgender in eighth grade invited a range of responses from both friends and family. Some were immediately accepting, while others took a while, but ultimately, acceptance was something I had to seek from myself. However, coming out and staying out is increasingly difficult for queer youth throughout the United States.
Oct. 11 is National Coming Out Day. The holiday, which has been celebrated since 1987, honors a process that requires a tremendous act of strength, especially now. The Supreme Court will likely overturn Colorado’s ban on conversion therapy, invalidating similar bans in dozens of other states. Following the death of Charlie Kirk, The Wall Street Journal and the New York Post reported that the shooter was motivated by “transgender ideology,” further painting trans people as dangerous and radical.
Not only does this rhetoric physically endanger LGBTQ+ individuals, but it also creates a toxic atmosphere for many queer folks — especially those who may be opening up about their sexuality for the first time.
Steinhardt junior Reva Singh said she felt pressure to suppress her LGBTQ+ identity after coming out in her first year of high school, facing social stigma for her queerness.
“I didn’t want it to be like, ‘Oh, she’s gay,’” Singh said. “Like no, I play sports, I’m in student government, I’m nice to people, I’m a good person — I didn’t want it to take up my whole identity.”
The transition to college didn’t make it any easier. Singh also described how attending a predominantly white college before transferring to NYU made it harder for her to publicly embrace her identity.
“I met my girlfriend there, and sometimes, I was walking and I was like, ‘I’m not holding your hand here,’ because there were some scary guys and you don’t know what they’re gonna say,” Singh said.
What remains integral to many queer stories is the need to stand up against hatred. For me, helping out my queer neighbors, no matter how simple or grand the gesture may be, was what made the difference — a responsibility that often lands in the hands of LGBTQ+ people.
CAS sophomore Kirsten Marshall remembers the initial fear she felt before coming out to her mother. But upon hearing her response, Marshall’s journey was more reassuring than expected.
“She was like, ‘You’re gay?’ and she said it in a way that was more like, ‘Oh my god,’ not in a frustrated way,” Marshall said. “She felt guilty as a parent that I didn’t have the respect or the trust to tell her, but she wasn’t mad about the whole thing.”
Going to an all-girls high school helped Marshall feel confident in her LGBTQ+ identity, providing a tight-knit community of like-minded individuals. With a third of her class identifying as queer, Marshall’s coming-out experience was rather informal.
“When I told people I was gay, it was like, ‘Okay, next,’” Marshall said. “It was so normalized that it wasn’t a topic to discuss.”
Fostering environments where queer youth are able to come and stay out is critical for dispelling anti-LGBTQ+ narratives. This type of destigmatization, by means of sharing experiences to welcome new ones, is something to collectively strive for this National Coming Out Day and beyond.
Contact Yuuki Lubin at [email protected]