Despite crying my eyes out in every science class I’ve ever taken, I owe a lot to the medical field: It is the bread and butter of the entertainment industry, after all. What other setting can give you enough content for 22 TV seasons — and subsequent spinoffs — about the same hospital? But even if “Grey’s Anatomy” isn’t your thing or your experience with medical media only spans random TikToks pirating the entirety of “ER,” you can’t dispute the sheer importance of the genre, especially through its casts of clinicians.

If you’re anything like me, an entertaining TV or movie doctor takes priority over scientific accuracy. I’m far more invested in the age-old debate of whether McDreamy or McSteamy is hotter than if someone can actually have a tree growing inside their lungs. Here’s how some iconic fictional doctors rank up based on pure vibes and their attempts at following the Hippocratic oath.

5: Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from “The Muppets”

It’s debatable if you can call Muppet Labs a true harbinger of scientific advancement, but that’s a moot point when observing the sheer incompetence of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. This oaf of a doctor can’t even hire a half-decent assistant to keep his experiments from exploding. In the cinematic masterpiece “Muppets Most Wanted,” Bunsen has the bright idea to make a magnetic bomb attractor vest for his sidekick Beaker, which, to nobody’s surprise, results in Beaker getting blown up by a bomb disguised as a wedding ring. If Bunsen even makes it into a hospital, get yourself and your metallic accessories out of there.

4: Dr. Luisa Alver from “Jane the Virgin

I’ve watched “Jane the Virgin” an embarrassing amount of times, and I still can’t shake the secondhand embarrassment I get from OB-GYN Luisa Alver.

Her entire schtick is being too infatuated with crime lord Sin Rostro to actually give a good pap smear. Sometimes this works to her advantage, like when she accidentally artificially inseminates Jane Villanueva and sets forth the faux telenovela’s plot. But most of the time, she’s too much of an airhead to deserve any sympathy from the audience, especially when she runs away with Sin Rostro after swearing she’ll cooperate with the police to catch her.

3: Dr. Doogie Howser from “Doogie Howser, M.D.”

Putting your faith in a 16-year-old boy is questionable, but Doogie Howser has Honeydew and Alver beat when it comes to his medical prowess. Not even Sheldon Cooper from “Young Sheldon” could imagine graduating from Princeton University at the age of 10, let alone finishing medical school before being legally allowed to drive. Motivated by the fact that he’s survived pediatric leukemia twice, Howser does all this while confronting larger social issues, like public stigma surrounding the AIDS epidemic. Still, I just can’t shake the thought that a today-era Howser would be laughing at the “67” meme while scrubbing in.

2: Doc McStuffins from “Doc McStuffins”

Yes, Doc McStuffins is also a child. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t feel 100% safe under her supervision, though. Out of all the precocious youngsters, McStuffins is arguably the most impressive, considering her magical ability to communicate with objects through her stethoscope. With her gang of creatures like Lambie, Stuffy and Chilly and her “Big Book of Boo-Boos,” Doc can tackle any illness — plus, she’s cross-trained in veterinary medicine. As her iconic theme song states, “the Doc really knows her stuff.”

1: Dr. Cristina Yang from “Grey’s Anatomy”

Unlike her pick-me counterpart Meredith Grey, Cristina Yang is that girl. As a cardiothoracic surgeon who graduated top of her class at Stanford University School of Medicine, how could I not put Yang in the number one spot? On top of having the brain to figure out how to 3D-print valve conduits to support blood flow in children’s hearts, Yang’s laser-sharp focus and grit makes her the most reliable choice under the knife. Special shout-out to her for coining the term “McDreamy,” I know who I want to see when my anesthesia wears off.

Contact Dani Biondi at [email protected].