Off-Third is WSN’s satire column.

Last week, NYU IRL held an event to give students “a party the way it used to feel, before the scroll” that aimed to foster real-world connections between students with activities such as a conversation pit and dinner. But it seems as though the attempts to conquer chronic loneliness aren’t just about talking to peers — it’s NYU’s version of a pregentrified, pretechnology Williamsburg. This event from the university should not be necessary. But what the university fails to acknowledge with this new initiative is that students are unable to bond with their peers because there are far too many differences between us, not because they don’t know how to play poker.

The university should instead adopt a mandated NYU uniform to ensure that students would be more approachable, as there would be fewer aesthetic differences between us. Of course, the university must require that the uniform be adopted by all global campuses to ensure continuity in school pride for our campusless community. 

A uniform would benefit NYU’s vision of rectifying the very important issue of bringing students together in times of conflict, so much so that we don’t need to worry about pesky things like style or individual expression. Public nonprofits explain that a major benefit of school regalia “can lead to improved behavior, a more positive attitude toward learning, and a reduction in acts of vandalism and school violence.” Not to mention how good we’ll all look when donors and prospective students come to visit. How can NYU, which is advocating for building bridges in the community, argue against uniforms when they would clearly help its students against university violence? 

Moreover, uniforms have the benefit of being a great equalizer. California’s Polytechnic School explains that school uniforms positively impact students’ education, with studies showing that uniforms increase student focus and discipline. Uniforms allow students to focus on the subject matter, not the super funky jeans of the girl sitting in front of them. On the whole, uniforms build bridges between social classes and erase social stigma around clothing. Without attention-grabbing outfits to distract us, our full attention and stress will finally be centered on learning. 

Now the natural next question is whether these uniforms will be fully decked out in the iconic shade of NYU Violet — the answer is, of course, yes. NYU must not wait to adopt a similar means of school synergy with a required monochromatic uniform. 

The time has come for us to shed our unofficial uniforms, if only so the spirited students at NYU Local will stop obsessing over our nonchalant wear — now, we become more chalant than ever. Should we not have the utmost sense of pride in the university we pay inordinate amounts of money to attend? With the acceptance rate hovering just above 7%, the whole of Greenwich Village needs to be accosted by how much pride we have in our prestigious university. The only way this can be possible, of course, is to bring our striking purple signature color to our everyday life. The occasional hoodie, baseball cap or NYU Athletics backpack is simply not enough for this Violet. 

At the end of the day, NYU really just wants a death to the social media feed. Welcome back to the tight-knit IRL community of the college uniform.

WSN’s Opinion section strives to publish ideas worth discussing. The views presented in the Opinion section are solely the views of the writer.

Contact Annika Wilewicz at [email protected].