Off-Third is WSN’s satire column.

When 17-year-old Bridgett Carpenter read that NYU’s class of 2029 was chosen to “create the next generation of bridge builders,” she didn’t know much about architecture, let alone how to build a bridge. Now 18 and an incoming Gallatin first-year, the impressive gal has already paved herself a smooth road to a career in construction — but more importantly, been praised by President Linda Mills.

The San Francisco native was featured at Sunday’s Weekend on the Square marquee event — aptly titled “Build A Better World with Bridges: A Fireside Chat with NYU’s Newest Rising Star” — where Mills named her the university’s best applicant from the class of 2030. The three-hour Q&A filled NYU’s most prestigious venue, The NEST, well beyond capacity as fellow acceptees flocked like moths to a flame around Carpenter, who provided some much-needed insight into finding extracurriculars and writing NYU’s optional essay. 

“Me personally, I’ve never seen a student so perfectly do exactly what our essay question says: build bridges,” Mills said at the event. “Members of our one NYU community can only hope to achieve the level of success that Bridgett has at such a young age. Bridge building is so important. I love bridges!”

During the Q&A, Mills described Carpenter as her “close personal friend” and repeatedly encouraged her to run for Student Government Assembly chair, even as a first-year. Carpenter told WSN that after she got accepted into NYU as an early decision applicant, Mills showed up on her doorstep 48 hours later to personally congratulate her with an impromptu helicopter tour of the Golden Gate Bridge, before flying her to NYU Los Angeles for a celebratory lunch. 

“I live really close to the bridge, and I used to drive on it every day to get to school, so it wasn’t really new to me,” Carpenter said. “But, I totally appreciate the thought.”

When asked by Mills to share more about her application, Carpenter said that she prioritized the essay question — which states that NYU looks for “students who want to be bridge builders” and can demonstrate the skills “needed to bridge divides.” Throughout the fall semester, she audited classes at University of California, Berkeley’s Department of Architecture in service of her end goal: building an actual bridge of her own. 

The result — a majestic paper-mache structure spanning the six-foot-wide pond in Carpenter’s local park — was more than enough to make the university gush.

“NYU is proud to create a one-of-a-kind award for this one-of-a-kind student,” NYU spokesperson Joseph Tirella said in a statement to WSN. “We have no doubt that Bridgett’s future will be one of massive achievement and minimal scandal, given how careful she is with her words.”

In addition to appeasing NYU’s desire for bridge builders, Carpenter said she made efforts to align herself with other university goals, such as “saying things that sound good but you don’t actually know what they mean” — a tactic she applied extensively in her application. For example, when listing her extracurriculars, Carpenter, who hastily founded the “Building Bridges Club” at her school last year, described the group vaguely as a “vibrant community of bridge builders, both physical and metaphoric.”

Attendees left The NEST with handheld models of Carpenter’s iconic pond bridge and bright violet baseball caps that read “I BUILD BRIDGES!” in confident block lettering. Carpenter — who will, of course, be concentrating in critical bridge studies — concluded the event by telling incoming students and parents that “NYU is definitely a place where performance is what matters most.” 

“I did so much research about NYU so that I could be very intentional in writing exactly what I thought they would want,” Carpenter said, as Mills raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t talk about the fact that I led protests at my school against Israel’s genocide of Palestinians because that seemed way too out of line. I also made sure not to say words that I know are on the no-no list, like diversity, equity and inclusion. Wait, shit!”

WSN’s Opinion section strives to publish ideas worth discussing. The views presented in the Opinion section are solely the views of the writer.

Contact Lauren Ng at [email protected].