Two yellow cones. Then four red ones. Then a sea of them — that’s how you know you’ve found S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E. You’d think you stumbled upon a “Coneheads” parody, but it’s nothing unusual, just a Luddite parade.

S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E., which stands for Scathing Hatred of Information Technology and the Passionate Hemorrhaging of Our Neo-Liberal Experience, is an anti-technology group associated with the Luddism movement that encourages people to ditch their devices and embrace the present. Members can be recognized by their conical gnome hats, an homage to the whimsy that has characterized Luddites since tales of their folkloric icon, Ned Ludd, first emerged.

Saturday’s parade made two stops along its path. First, participants were invited to chalk the pavement outside the Tesla store in the West Village, and at the end of the parade, the crowd held a ritualistic trial outside the nearby Apple store.

“The iPhone is not a public space, there is no digital commons,” said one of S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E.’s organizing members, who referred to themselves as Bucky. “The High Line is famous for being a public space.”

As the parade towards Tesla’s store in the Meatpacking District began, onlookers of all ages watched with curiosity. While activist parades in New York City are typically held at the expense of pedestrians’ peace, the gnome-hatted march amused passersby instead.

Ironically enough, most were filming with their smartphones.

The paraders themselves all had different motivations for attending because informational technology is not all that Luddites condemn. The movement is also anti-bureaucracy, anti-capitalist and anti-consumerism. This umbrella attracted people from across the political spectrum: self-identifying anarchists, people with a research-based interest and some who attended foremost for the performance aspect.

WSN spoke to one of the parade attendees who was passing out hats before the march. Ed — who stresses the importance of anonymity as a traditional aspect of Luddism and for this reason declined to share his last name — first became affiliated with S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E. after stumbling upon an event in Washington Square Park.

“I love performance art and I love community, so this sounds exactly like what I want to be a part of,” Ed said. “This group has become my friends, as well as my co-performers.”
Ed found S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E. through a common interest. But others, such as Tejas, showed up as a form of repentance. Tejas works in the tech industry, but his field does not stop him from taking small individual measures against the complete encroachment of technology into daily life.

“The best thing I think I can do is to convince my friends to go touch grass,” Tejas said. “I can just be like, ‘Do you want to go outside?’ If they feel good doing those things, then they might tell their friends as well.”

Adam Aleksic, an author known online as the Etymology Nerd, attended the parade to research his upcoming book about how technology is affecting what he calls our collective “vibes.”

“Language is a category of the universe as we experience it,” Aleksic said. “Categories can’t capture vibes. Technology also makes categories — they put you in boxes. When you create a representation of experience, it flattens the real thing.”

After the parade, a trial commenced at the Apple store that attracted an even bigger crowd. This procession, which occurs at its large events, is what has drawn many to S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E. It is the group’s use of traditional soap boxes and reliance on crowd participation that allows it to appeal to people who have had no prior interest in Luddism.

After the defendant, who cheekily upheld the convenience and pseudo-companionship that technology offers, was booed off the stage, the prosecutor took the stand to protest what he called the “little existential rectangle.”

The audience participated as the jury of the trial, and as expected, the iPhone was found guilty. Upon the verdict, anyone in the crowd with a foam hammer was invited to strike it down on a large phone-shaped piñata. What ensued was a rain of Werther’s Original caramels and foam flowers for everyone to enjoy. A little girl cheered from her father’s shoulders, an elderly woman in purple smiled to herself at the floor of candy and some even shared a kiss.

That was really the whole point, and exactly what S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E. meant in their email.

“Event is the medium,” the email said.

S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E. also understands that statistics incite people into action. As mentioned in the speech and also inscribed on the inside of every gnome hat, five hours of daily screen time equates to fifteen years of life by age 70.

And if the statistic itself was not provocative enough, then Jackie’s delivery certainly was. As Ed explained, S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E. does not have leaders, but some members, such as Jackie, routinely make speeches.

“15 years of your life spent alone,” Jackie said. “Every minute is precious. Every moment is inescapable. You think that you can go on your phone and escape it? No!”

The people roared and they looked around at each other. Even if it was forgotten by dinner time, at this very instant, everyone became aware of the value of connection.

“The people in your phone are not real, but the humans in front of you are,” Jackie said.

The interactive nature of the event demonstrated that Luddism does not merely exist as an ideology, but also has a tangible social purpose. The Neo-Luddite movement ultimately strives for a collective awareness of how modern informational technology deprives humankind of an authentic experience of the world.

“The present moment is the most sacred event,” Jackie said.

Contact Isabella Bethurum at [email protected].