Your eyes snap open with fear as you try to figure out how you made it from Bushwick to your bed last night. You look in horror as you open your phone to see the hour-long Instagram story you posted the night before, frantically deleting it despite the fact that 150 people have already seen you for the mess you are. You’re somewhere between dizzy and nauseous, but your stomach manages to cry out for help, begging for anything to heal the pain you’ve put yourself through. Finally, you somehow manage to drag that broken shell of a person you used to be out of your apartment to heal your soul with sustenance.
But where can you find a sandwich powerful enough to overcome this hangover? And you’ll need a place with Apple Pay because you definitely left your wallet in a bar last night. From one college kid to another, here are the five best sandwiches to battle your morning after.
Chicken Sandwich @ Cheeky Sandwiches
35 Orchard St.
The entrance to Cheeky Sandwiches is so nondescript, so much so that I couldn’t find it the first time I visited, but its menu is nothing to be kept hidden. The fried chicken sandwich might be the best hidden gem the city has to offer. The chicken is perfectly seasoned and always comes out hot from the fryer; the coleslaw gives the sandwich a rich purple color and adds a refreshing crunch, but the rich and creamy southern style gravy that oozes out the sides ties everything together. And all of this comes on a crumbly, buttery biscuit toasted to perfection. Every bite takes you one step closer to bliss, making you forget about the 13 texts you sent to the Tinder boy who ghosted you three months ago.
The Reformer @ Egg Shop
151 Elizabeth St.
The Egg Shop knows why your eyes are puffy and your hair is uncombed, which is why they have a menu of almost exclusively egg sandwiches. If you have willpower and maybe hit up a pilates class to “treat” your body before getting food, try the Reformer. It’s made with egg whites, feta and veggies so it will set you up for a legitimately productive day instead of many hours on the couch with the lights off.
Weezer @ Tompkins Square Bagels
184 Second Ave.
Tompkins Square Bagels is like church for hungover people, everyone shows up on Sunday mornings so they can go to heaven, or as they call it, biting into a Weezer sandwich. It comes with bacon, egg, cheese, chorizo and bacon. It’s like the survival kit for weekend hangovers. But be wary, it’s cash only.
Breakfast Bahn Mi @ Hanoi House
119 St. Marks Pl.
You may recognize Hanoi House for serving up some of the best Pho in the East Village, but you might not know about their Brunch Banh Mi. It’s basically a normal banh mi, full of crunchy and sour pickled veggies, sweet honey roasted pork and the bite of jalapeño and spicy aioli. However, the addition of a fried egg makes all the difference. The soft yolk drips down between every layer of the sandwich adding that extra protein your body is calling out for.
Breakfast Burger @ Hard Times Sundaes
230 Park Ave.
Hard Times likes to keep things simple. You won’t find any superfluously fancy burgers or breakfast sandwiches, but sometimes the simple things are all you need. The Breakfast Burger is basically a bacon, egg and cheese on a poppy seed kaiser roll but with a large chuck patty right in the middle. It had everything your broken soul needs: salt, fat, carbs and perfectly melted American cheese.
Classic BEC @ Local Bodega
Who are you kidding, there’s no way you’re leaving your house for more than five minutes at a time today. Just head to the deli on the corner wearing sweatpants and shame to get a bacon, egg and cheese and a large blue Gatorade.
You may regret going hard last night, or you may not remember anything at all, but either way, all you need is a greasy sandwich and to watch “The Office” for a couple hours in the dark.
A version of this article appeared in the Sunday, Aug. 26 print edition. Email Scott Hogan at [email protected]